R.I.P Cody you will be greatly missed by everyone who knew you.

The past 4 days have almost been a blurr to me. I have been living them but I almost cant remember what happened and where all the time went. I guess I should start at the beginning....

Wednesday night at work I just wasnt feeling right, usually I am very dedicated at work not wanting anyone to walk out without renting a room... I always try and beat the revenue from the night before.. Not this week. There was just something different this wednesday I couldnt put my finger on it. I didnt want to be at work. and I was very worried the entire time I was there. I just had this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I could not figure out what I was worried about, or even why I was worried. I just shoved the feeling off to the side and wished my time at work would go by faster.

I went home that night still alittle worried and unsure of why. Just like any other night I got in bed checked my messages on the computer and settled in for the night. When I woke up I was uber excited because my friend Savannah was graduating from high school that day!!!! Even though i was very much excited still in the pit of my stomach I had a bad feeling.

That was when I got the phone call, my friend Tess called me around 11am to inform me that one of the graduation seniors had passed away that morning. At first I wasnt believing a word of it. She had not heard many details and was unsure of who it was. The first person I called was Savannah. I had to make sure that it was not her, and I wanted to verify that it had actually happened. It was not her and she did confirm for me that someone had indeed passed away.

I dont think that it even really hit me until later that evening before i went to spanish class and graduation. I was almost in denile about it. The person the passed away was an 18 year old high school senior that i also new. I was not best friends with him by any means but I had hungout with him a few times and alot of my friends were very good friends with him.

I am not going to go in to detail about what happened and how he passed away. It is not all that important how it happened just that it happened.

He left behind many "family memebers",friends and one loving girlfriend. Everyone is going to miss his so much. He was always such a happy person, you could alway count on him to be there to make you laugh his you were in a bad mood. He was always there for anyone who needed him. He loved his girlfriend more than anything in the world, and the same goes for her. They had that once in a life time love, she refered to him as her one and only. I believe that he was actually getting ready to propose to her and that he had the ring ready.

Even though I did not know him extremly well this has effected me in an extreme way. I have been almost numb since thursday afternoon. I can only imagine that if I am feeling this was what is family and friends and girlfriend are feeling like.

Everyone keeps telling me that it is ok becuase this was all part of gods plan for him. I do not believe that for a second. I can not believe that god would chose to take someone away from so many people who loved him so early on in his life. I dont believe that god had any part in this death. It was not his time to go, he had so much to live for, so much more in life to expirence. I mean he was about to graduate high school he still had his whole life infront of him. He was in love with someone he wanted to spend his life with, he didnt deserve to die.

I hope that his girlfriend can make it through this. Her life is never going to be the same ever again. Most adults have a hard time dealing with the death of a family member, so i can only imagine how hard it is going to be for her at the young age of 16.

I ask everyone if you could please keep his girlfriend,family and friends in your thoughts.

Also please dont take anything, or anyone for granted. If you love someon tell them, if you think what someone is doing is stupid or could get them hurt in some way tell them. Dont let yourself loose someone the way everyone has lost cody.

I realised the other day that I find myself trying to convince myself that I miss you, and that I miss the friendship that we had.
But the truth is I knew that this was going to happen when you left. I knew that we would not stay friends, and that we would not talk anymore. This is not a shock to me. I am used to the fact that we dont talk now. it was hard for a while but now it is just a reality. I was used while you needed something and that was pretty much it. Our friendship was never two sided, you made me believe that we had a real friendship. I bent over backwards to help you with anything and everything.
I dont regret anything but I can honestly say that it taught me alot. NEVER again will I trust anyone so easily again. My guard is always up now. There are very few people that I am really myself around now, and also very few that I fully trust. The one and only person that I can talk about anything and everything about lives 3,ooo miles away from me.I should have listened to what others said but instead I stood up for you and told them that they were wrong. In return ruining great friendships, luckily I have been able to rebuild some of them but they will never be the same again.
The words im so glad that were friends or i love you your such a sweet heart have never made me more upset or hurt in my life. Sometimes I believe that you really did care about our friendship and that you cared about me and other days when I think it was all a fake. I cant decide what I think, it is always running around in the back of my mind.

Even though I think that everything was fake at times, there is never a moment when I would drop everything to help you if you needed it.I think I have proven in the past that I will do anything that you needed me to do and even now after everything I would not even think twice about doing something to help you and I just wish that i thought you would do the same for me. You said it yourself I have a patience level of which you have never seen before. That should show you that I really do. we have gone about three months without talking, and sometimes it sucks and other times it is like we were never friends in the first place. I have had lots of things that I have wanted to tell you but I knew that is i called/text or messaged you that you would not respond so I figured that there was no reason to try. I am not going to put myself out there anymore just to be turn away. I am not really sure why I am even writing this because I know that your not going to read it and even if you do it probably not matter to you. I just had to get it out and hopfully this will be some kind of closure for me, hopfully.

I guess if you really care you will read this and I will get some kind of responce but as I said I am not expecting that so it will not be a shock if I dont hear from you ever again.

Update

So it has been along time since I have blogged and decided that it would probably be a good idea to post an update letting everyone know what is going on with me.

As most of you already know I just recently got back from my trip to North Carolina to see my aunt and cousin. Most of you also know that this was my first trip on an airplane, and I was incredibly nervous. It all turned out OK and I made it through it. On my way there my flight from Seattle to Chicago was delayed for about 4 hours I believe(it was between 3 and 4 hours) i kind of lost track of time after a few hours. The Chicago airport was completely shut down due to snow. Once we finally got boarded onto the plane we had to sit there for about 45 minutes waiting for our pilots to show up and do thier walk around. Finally we leave for our almost 4 hour flight. Once I finally got into Chicago it was around 10 or 1o 15 and I had to rush and figure out if my original flight to North Carolina had left yet or not and if not what gate i needed to be at. I quickly realised that I needed to be on the other end of the Chicago airport and ran there so that I didnt miss the flight. I got there and then they decided that they needed to move out gate so that we could actually board our plane. Where do they move us, to the exact place i had just come from. Im talking the exact gate that i had just walked thru to get into the airport. By the time I got off the plane in North Carolina it was about 3AM. Finally! i was suppose to arrive there about 6 hours earlier around 8:30pm. needless to say i was alittle tired and ready to stop pulling my luggage around with me everywhere i went.

So we got to my aunts house and she showed me around and showed me my room, around 4 or 5 i finally fell alseep(my body still thought that it was 3 hours earlier) I woke up about 4 hours later and my aunt was up and ready to start doing things, we just had to wait on my cousin. Once he got there we were off and ready to start our weeklong site seeing extravaganda. I was there from saturday morning the 22nd until saturday the 29th. I will list off the things that we did while I was there.
~toured her home town of Raliegh
~went to Duke university
~went to UNC
~basketball musiem
~north carolina state capital
~the legislative building in north carolina
~a random museum in Raliegh
~mall number 1
~a reastraunt called Red,Hot and Blue
~durahm county
~drove to Virginia
~ate at the cracker barrel
~mall number 2
~south carolina/south of the border
~fort bragg
~miltary museum
~WWE smackdown
~washington dc(toured around all of washington dc)
~and we also watched numerous basketball games
~ate at friendlies
~went on trains and subways(im not a fan to hectic for me)
that pretty much sums up what i did when i was on vacation. we dont need to go into details about all of those things. If you want to know about any specific place on that list let me know and I will be more than willing to tell you. I had a really good time and saw alot of really cool places while I was there and got to spend alot of quality time with my family.

Now i am back at home and back at work and school. My hours have been cut at work, im pretty sure becuase i went on vacation and they had to higher someone new to cover my shifts while I was gone, so that pretty much blows but hopefully that will change soon. School is not to bad so far this term I am taking spanish 103, Math 65, HPE 295, and Writing 121. It is definitly going to keep me busy that is for sure. I am still waiting to hear if i have been accepting to western oregon university or not. I hope to hear soon so that I can figure out my Financial Aid for next year.
I have not been up to alot other than going on vacation for spring break,just trying to relax now that i am back, becuase as i am sure you noticed i didnt have alot of relaxing time while i was on "vacation".

Now totally on a very different subject. I have realised latly that I have very wierd dreams. I just cant figure out that point to them at all. And alot of the times I have a hard time remember them. I have decided that what i am going to do from now on is write them down when i wake up in the morning. Understanding my dreams is always something i have wished that I was able to do, maybe writing them down will do a few things. I am hoping that it will help me remember them alittle better and maybe it will help me understand it a little better if I am writing them down triggering thoughts about it. Who knows what i am really dreaming about on a nightly basis but i know that it is always kind of odd..

well i think is enough blogging for one night. Time for me to get to work on some much needed homework! have a good weekend

Tattoo

As of tomorrow at 3:30 pm i will officially be sitting on a table at the hole thing getting prepped for my very first tattoo...

I am so very excited.. I was going to get it done later this month with tess but I just couldnt wait any longer so I went in and talked with the guy and made my apt and I could not be happier!

I just wish that tess could be here with me to get it done.... I am really glad though that my friend jessica is coming with me, i would never want to go by myself.

I am hoping that since i have a very high tolerance for pain that it will not bother me to much.

21 days!

So it has been forever since i have written an actual blog so here we go i will update you guys on whats going on.

The last few days I have been stuck in bed with a flu type bug with a fever of 100 and higher. no fun. I skipped both my classes on tuesday, bad i know but i didnt want to get everyone else sick so really it was very nice of me :) but now i am feeling a little better the fever is gone and i am just coughing and my throat his a little sore.. So i am going back to my classes today so that i dont completly ruin my chances at passing. I have my paper to turn in, and i am no where near ready to take my spanish test today but really when am i ever ready for it... im not.

I purchased my luggage for my trip to North Carolina last night. It is soo cute it is black with hot pink polka dots on it and a hot pink ribbon and bow i love it, i also got a matching tote. They should be here soon. I ordered them online as they were much cheaper than they would have been if i had gotten them here in town and of course much cuter!

So i leave for North Carolina in 21 days and I think I am about to be freak out mood... now that i am finally having to think about what i am going to pack and what i need to take and all the details it is really sinking in. I am not nervous about actually going and being there that part I am actually excited about. I cant even say that it is the actual flying that i am nervous about. I am not worried about actually being on the plane and being in the air... that does not worry me at all.. it is actually getting myself to the plane that i am worried about. As most of you know not only have i never been on a plane before but I have also never been in an airport. And my flight connects in Seattle AND Chicago. Great not one but two places that i have to find my way around. As we have also learned in many occasions that i such at finding my way around places. SO lets just hope that i can get myself where i need to be in the hour and a half that i have. I know i have been told many, many times to just ask for help if I need to. You may also know that i am very stubborn and also kind of shy(when i am not around people that i know) and dont like asking for help. I think that this maybe the first time that i have to let go of that and suck it up so that i get where i need to go in the time that i have.

in other new I have applied to western and now i am just waiting for pcc to send my transcripts so that they can decide if they want me to attend thier school. I am hoping with all hope that i get in. I have always wanted to go to school there, and it is just a bonus that they specialize in the same area as my major! soo if you would keep your fingers crossed for me that i do actually get in!

I am in hopes of planning a trip to the dalles in the next few weeks with my friend katie to show her where i grew up and the town that i love so much. I have never taken a friend there before so that will be fun and i think that it has probably been a good 4 or 5 years since i have really spent any amount of time there. We are only going to go for the day but i am so excited. Hopefully i will be able to connect with a few old friends while i am there and i will get to see all of the old places that i miss so much..

well i am going to get working on some homework..